Friday, 5 September 2014

Relationship vs Love

First of all, there is no such thing as being isolated. To be is to be related and without relationships there is no existence. 

Relationship is an interconnected challenge and response between two people.

The relationship of two people creates society; society is not independent of you and me.

Relationship is the awareness of interconnection between two people.

Relationship is generally based on mutual gratification. 

Are you in communion with your wife? Perhaps you are physically but that is not relationship. You and your wife live on opposite sides of a wall of isolation. You have your own pursuits, your ambitions, and she has hers. You live behind the wall and occasionally look over the top—and that you call relationship. 

Thus relationship is sought where there is a mutual satisfaction, gratification; when you do not find that satisfaction you change relationship; either you divorce or you remain together but seek gratification elsewhere or else you move from relationship to another till you find what you seek—which is satisfaction, gratification, and a sense of self-protection and comfort.

So relationship invariably results in possession, in condemnation, in self-assertive demands for security, for comfort and for gratification, in that there is naturally no love.

If there is real relationship between two people, which means there is communion between them, then the implications are enormous. Then there is no isolation; there is love and not responsibility or duty.

Relationship is really a process of self-revelation, which is a process of self-knowledge; in that revelation there are many unpleasant things, disquieting, uncomfortable thoughts, activities. Since I do not like what I discover, I run away from a relationship which is no pleasant to a relationship which is pleasant. Therefore, relationship has very little significance when we are merely seeking mutual gratification but becomes extraordinarily significant when it is a means of self-revelation and self-knowledge. 

When you love, that is when you give yourself over to something entirely , wholly, then there is no relationship. 

If you do love, if there is such a love, then it is a marvellous thing. In such love there is no friction, there is no the one and the other, there is complete unity. It is a state of integration, a complete being.

There can be true relationship only when there is love but love is not the search for gratification. Love exist only when there is self-forgetfulness, when there is complete communion, not between one or two, but communion with the highest; and that can only take place when the self is forgotten.

On Relationship
The First and Last Freedom
J. Krishnamurti

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